You are as beautiful as the day I met you almost twenty years ago and you will always be like that to me

\”You are as beautiful as the day I met you almost twenty years ago and you will always be like that to me.”

    Those words were never off of my mind. I hate you for telling me that. 

Better: I wish I hated you.

Those words… they are etched in my mind, like they were written in stone.

I let you go, you let me go, but our ways keep crossing each other  no matter how we try not to. Understanding that is like trying to find a method in the madness of our own existence.

You told me another one:

“Some things were not meant to be. You and me is one of them.”

But, does it look more like a maybe they will be in the end? God only knows. In case there is a God to know anything. Well, let’s say that I know and this is the whole point of writing here… 

Here… I feel it, it’s here, it’s there. It was, it has been, it will. Always.

Like your words in that cold, dark afternoon, while you were holding that book… the book… our book, where you read (in fact, they were my words, or maybe a quote to be honest):  

“True love never dies.”

Have you noticed that we end up talking a lot about “never” and “always”? For me it sums up what we feel for each other, it’s either  hell or high water. Never in between. We are like forces of nature. Our love destroys everything around us or takes us to heaven. Simple like that.

So I keep asking myself, why now? Why back then? Why way back then?

It’s unreal that we run away from each other, but we keep finding each other.  Again, the method in madness thing. That is a fact. It reminds me of your “ We are a walking Murphy’s Law” remark. Makes me smile every time I think about it, because it’s so true, we are the nonsense that makes sense. I am talking crazy here, right?

Maybe not. Maybe it’s just a matter of time, until everything falls into place.

What we do in between is what hurts us, that scars us. On and on. We are stupid. We grew up and here we are, bounded to repeat the same mistakes. They simply don’t leave us. That hurts, you see? Not you hurt me and I hurt you. Our stupid actions in order to run away from each other do.

It’s my turn to say something:

“ You’ve got the information and you’ll decide what to do with it.”

I was saving this one. You do not tell me that and expects no payback over it, right? I am laughing  now. 

But, meanwhile we swim in the sea of stupidity, we can only hope to swim out of it and have our ways crossed again, by God, by angels, by whatever there is.

We wait.

We hurt.

We stay.

We go.

We love…

Here, there is only space for always. I mean, from now on I guess. In fact, when it comes to you and me, I wanna cross out the word never from my speech. I will use only ALWAYS.

Always… you… me… then… now… forever?

I think I will put some more emphasis on the waiting part. We waited twenty years… that is two thirds of our lives! We can wait a little more then, for what is a little more, huh? 

Crazy? Not really.

Crazy is not having hope.

I do have hope. For you and I. 

Always. 

Did I overuse the word always? Never mind, that was my plan all along.